there is a priest and two pasters in a boat in the middle of a lake. paster number 1 says "im thirsty" and walks across the water and gets a soda then goes back.paster number 2 says "im thirst too" gets up, gets a soda and goes back. well now the preist is thirsty and says "im thirsty also" gets up and walks of the boat and imideatly sinks. paster number 1 then says "maybe we shoyld have told him wear the stepping stone are."
ZombieSoldier Jokes day2
a lady walks into an ice cream shop and asks the man at the counter for some chocolate ice cream. the man says "sorry ma'am, we're fresh out". the women says "ok, than just give me some chocolate ice cream please". the man replies " sorry ma'am, i just told u we're out". the woman than says "really? sigh...ok, than i'll just have some chocolate ice cream". the man by this point just stairs at her for a moment and finally replies "look lady, say 'van' as in vanilla..." the woman replies in a perky voice "ok, van!". the man then says "ok, say 'straw' as in strawberry..." the lady once again replies cheerfully "straw!". the man says "good, now say 'FREAK' as in chocolate..." the lady thinks for a moment and then remarks to the man "wait a minute, there's no 'freak' in chocolate!". To this the man replies "THATS WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL U!!!!!"
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What do you get if you cross a dyslexic, an atheist and an insomniac?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.
A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. While searching around for them, he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room, and he found himself completely naked in the halls of the world''s most powerful military organization HQ. But, luckily, no one was around to see him.
So, he ran as fast as he could to the elevator. When it arrived, it was empty. He breathed a sigh of relief and got in. When the doors opened on his floor, there was no one waiting outside. "This must be my lucky day," he said to himself. He was now only a few yards from his office.
Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming from around the corner. He heard the General''s voice. There was no way he'd make it to his door in time, so he ducked into the closest office available, and found himself in the laboratory for Research & Development. The Head Scientist looked up from one of her experiments with puzzled interest.
The soldier thought quickly, stood up straight and saluted.
"I am here to report the partial success of the Personal Invisibility Device," he said.
"I see," the Head Scientist said. "But the Shrink Ray seems to be working perfectly."
So, he ran as fast as he could to the elevator. When it arrived, it was empty. He breathed a sigh of relief and got in. When the doors opened on his floor, there was no one waiting outside. "This must be my lucky day," he said to himself. He was now only a few yards from his office.
Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming from around the corner. He heard the General''s voice. There was no way he'd make it to his door in time, so he ducked into the closest office available, and found himself in the laboratory for Research & Development. The Head Scientist looked up from one of her experiments with puzzled interest.
The soldier thought quickly, stood up straight and saluted.
"I am here to report the partial success of the Personal Invisibility Device," he said.
"I see," the Head Scientist said. "But the Shrink Ray seems to be working perfectly."
A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. While searching around for them, he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room, and he found himself completely naked in the halls of the world''s most powerful military organization HQ. But, luckily, no one was around to see him.
So, he ran as fast as he could to the elevator. When it arrived, it was empty. He breathed a sigh of relief and got in. When the doors opened on his floor, there was no one waiting outside. "This must be my lucky day," he said to himself. He was now only a few yards from his office.
Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming from around the corner. He heard the General''s voice. There was no way he'd make it to his door in time, so he ducked into the closest office available, and found himself in the laboratory for Research & Development. The Head Scientist looked up from one of her experiments with puzzled interest.
The soldier thought quickly, stood up straight and saluted.
"I am here to report the partial success of the Personal Invisibility Device," he said.
"I see," the Head Scientist said. "But the Shrink Ray seems to be working perfectly."
So, he ran as fast as he could to the elevator. When it arrived, it was empty. He breathed a sigh of relief and got in. When the doors opened on his floor, there was no one waiting outside. "This must be my lucky day," he said to himself. He was now only a few yards from his office.
Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming from around the corner. He heard the General''s voice. There was no way he'd make it to his door in time, so he ducked into the closest office available, and found himself in the laboratory for Research & Development. The Head Scientist looked up from one of her experiments with puzzled interest.
The soldier thought quickly, stood up straight and saluted.
"I am here to report the partial success of the Personal Invisibility Device," he said.
"I see," the Head Scientist said. "But the Shrink Ray seems to be working perfectly."
A blonde and a brunnette where walking in a park 'oh look, a dead bird! said the brunnette, the blonde looked up.
A man goes in to a bar with a flamingo. He asks for a drink and pays the bartender the exact amount of change and then he leaves. He does this again and again and again for ages. Finlay, the bartender asks, "how do you pull out the exact amount of change from your pocket every time?"
"well,"replys the man,"I had two genie wishes, and I wished to have the exact amount of change."
"then, whats the bird for?"
"Oh, my second wish was for a chick with long legs!!"
"well,"replys the man,"I had two genie wishes, and I wished to have the exact amount of change."
"then, whats the bird for?"
"Oh, my second wish was for a chick with long legs!!"
A young couple is out walking a romantic walk together in the park. As time goes on, the guy gets more and more horny. Exactly when he will insert the coup de grace(Go for it), the girl said: "I hope it doesn't bother your, but I have to pee very much." The guy is a bit put out by the girl's direct tone, and said to her: "Can't you just go behind the hedge and do it?" She nods and disappears behind the hedge. The guy waits and hears the exciting sound of nylon stockings being pulled down her legs, and begins to fantasize about what is being exposed. He starts to get really horny now, and is unable to remain calm any longer, and sticks his hand through the hedge and touches her leg. He quickly moves his hand along her thigh, and to his great consternation, he grabs hold of a long and dense extension hanging between her legs. "Jesus, Mary, have you changed sex?"
"No," she says. "I have changed my mind. I decided to poo instead"
"No," she says. "I have changed my mind. I decided to poo instead"
Three men go on holiday abroad together. The tourist office informs them that there is only one hotel in town with vacancies. The lads go along there, only to be told by reception that there is just one available room left in the hotel. They are not keen, but as it is their only option,they take the room for one evening and share its only bed.
That night, they all enjoy a good night's sleep. In the morning, the guy on the right side of the bed says,
''I dreamt I had the best wank last night.''
The guy on the left side says,
''That's funny, I had the exact same dream!''
The guy in the middle says,
''I dreamt I was skiing.''
That night, they all enjoy a good night's sleep. In the morning, the guy on the right side of the bed says,
''I dreamt I had the best wank last night.''
The guy on the left side says,
''That's funny, I had the exact same dream!''
The guy in the middle says,
''I dreamt I was skiing.''
There was these 3 guys. They were named Shutup, Manners and Poop. Manners was picking up Poop from school. Shutup got pulled over by a cop. The cop says "Whats your name sir?" "Shutup." "Whats your name?" "Shutup." "Whats your name?" "Shutup." "Wheres your manners boy?" "Over there picking up poop."
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