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best of chuck norris jokes

7762 Views 53 Replies 1 Participant Last post by  ZombieSoldier
The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.
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Chuck Norris was once put on the wrapper for a toilet paper company. The company field tested it but it didn't work because Chuck Norris doesn't take crap from nobody.
When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down
When Chuck Norris falls out of a boat he dosn't get wet the water gets Chuck Norrised
Superman wears Chuck Norris underpants.
f you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he just stares them down until he gets the information he wants out of them.
Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer; too bad he has never cried.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f*ck down
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.
Chuck Norris is suing NBC for their show Law & Order claiming it is the trademarked names of his left and right legs.
There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris every night.
Chuck Norris turns on a night light when he goes to bed. It's not because he's scared of the dark - it's Because the dark is scared of him.
Chuck Norris was originally considered for the part of Jesus in the Passion of the Christ. However, the director realized that Chuck Norris cannot show the emotion of pain. He can only inflict it.
When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror, it breaks because it is smart enough to know not to get in the middle of Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris
Darth Vader dresses up as Chuck Norris for Halloween.
A blind man bumped into Chuck Norris. The simple act of touching him cured the man's blindness. Unfortunately, the first and last thing the man saw was a fatal roundhouse kick to the face by Chuck Norris.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more than you.
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